I’m a mess lately. Forgetting things left and right. Tired every morning, despite sleeping all night. Feeling frazzled and failing on the regular. Today, I nearly cried when I watched an Osprey dive for and MISS getting a fish from the pond behind my house. What is that? I’m not unhappy - I feel really blessed, I really love my daughter and my dogs and my Babe and our space. So, I can’t quite put my finger get on what’s eating at me (beyond my constant, lifelong struggle with foreboding joy).
I’m inclined to think it’s “the work stuff.” The recent realization that I have to change how I do what I do professionally if I’m going to keep wanting to do it (let alone move it forward into success). I think this means moving toward a coaching model of practice, but doing so requires I create a product, of sorts. And that feels really, really intimidating. I feel like I’ve failed before I’ve even started. My perfectionism shows up in all its dysfunctional glory and sabotages me. I get caught in this idea that I have to have it all together to begin or it’s not worth pursuing, because it WILL fail or be found lacking, or worse, I’ll be caught lacking. And, yet, there’s this part of me that is sure I would rock this change, but again, only if I figure it out ahead of time.
So, it’s the figuring it out that’s throwing me for a loop, because I’m stunted there. Stuck. Overwhelmed by the thought of it. Not sure I have what it takes. And processing it out on my blog. 😁