There are moments (usually when I'm buzzed) when I wish I could live buzzed. No less, no more. Just buzzed. Cause the girl I am when buzzed? I LOVE her, want to squeeze her and hang out with her, like, ALL THE TIME. She's me, the real me. Fearless me. Emotional me. She sings when there's a good song on, knowing full well she can't carry a tune. She can't help but move her body to a rhythm, even if no one else is feeling the song. She says what she means (and, it's usually love and truth). She's up for nearly everything (within her moral compass) - conversation or action or dream. She's living and noticing the moment. She's undistracted. She's really happy. She's hopeful. She's slow and easy - like a non-churchy Sunday morn. She's completely okay with all that she is and all that she is not. She's willing and able and sure ... of God and life and self.
And, I love her. I really do.
I don't know many people like that in real life. I want to know more people like that in real life. Fun and easy and real and present. How do I find those people? How do I get that way ALL THE TIME without imbibing? Is it possible this side of heaven? In this culture?
I lean toward "no." But, I'm trying. I'll keep trying. Healing. Sanctifying. Getting closer to who I was designed to be. I'm trying.
So, "cheers" in the interim?